i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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