People with herpes should wear stickers.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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