WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
