oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize