I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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