I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
