Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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