So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
