Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
