16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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