Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
