Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
