Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The adults are the big ones right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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