wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Did I show you my penis last night?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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