the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
