so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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