Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
