dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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