i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
