I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
