He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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