you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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