I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
