If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
