My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
