I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
