It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
