Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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