under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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