Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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