Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
