Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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