Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
