you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
