12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
