Are we in a gay sports bar?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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