I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
