He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
