Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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