pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
