I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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