Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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