I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
