Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
