yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
