Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
