Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
