I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
