help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We need to rekindle our bromance
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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