How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
