White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
