I got chris browned last night
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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