she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
