wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
