i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
