he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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