it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
