I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
