the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
