i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
