I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
