dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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