and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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