Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your dad touched me again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
