I hate all girls vehemently.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
