Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
