i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
