i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
