if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
