the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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