My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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