chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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