this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
